Monday, November 10, 2008

Oh No, the Gyno!!


Once a girl turns 18, she becomes an official member of a not so elite club of women who are forced to have a yearly "woman doctor" visit. I hate these for many reasons that extend beyond my small list, but here are my personal top 3 reasons. Maybe some of you can relate.

Top Reasons 3 Why I Hate the Woman Doctor

#3 The Wait
I must wait for 1/2 hour before they call my name, why do they tell me to arrive at 1:00, when they won't call my name till 1:30? And then another 1/2 hour in a freezing and windowless room that carries hints of strange and unknown odors....where I am then forced to strip completely naked, hide under a very thin smock, and sit on a giant piece of wax paper and await my doom. Why is my only distraction giant female anatomy posters and pictures?

#2 Urine Sample
I am told to try and "collect" a urine sample into a plastic cup the size of a shot glass. Why has someone not invented a female urine sample cup? As I struggle to "direct" my sample into the cup, it always fills immediately and I am forced to halt midstream and delicately put my cup on the ground without spilling....all while maintaining the "public restroom squat" position. If I wanted a thigh workout, then I would go to the gym.

#1 "Just Relax"
My doctor or nurse always tells me to "just relax". Excuse me for being tense. I am focused on the fact that my feet are in stirrups and someone is "examining" my female parts. Meanwhile, they just violated me with a metal foreign object, cranked it open like a pop-top camper, and now are about to "collect" a sample using a 12-inch mascara wand. I realize they are surrounded with female stuff everyday, but I am not. So NO, I will not "just relax", it is not an option.


Lesley said...

LOL. Thanks for the laugh!

Joni said...

I agree 100%


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