Monday, April 20, 2009

Not Me Monday

I just realized that I forgot to post a Not-Me-Monday last week. I suppose a post about Easter would trump my Monday confessions. Well, here we go again with another list of all the things I did not do or say.....

I did not put the cereal in the fridge & the milk in the pantry.....and then realize my airhead mistake at noon when I went to get the mac & cheese out. I am not dependent on coffee & always 100% aware of my actions before that first cup.

I did not forget to tightly seal the ziploc bag when making puppy chow....and so when I shook it...I had a white powdered sugar mess EVERYWHERE. So much for a "no clean up" snack....sweet Rach, sweet.

I did not spend an eternity trying to unlock my van door completely confused as to why my key wasn't working....finally get fed up & start pounding on the door.....and then look up to see that my van was parked two spots over.

I did not don my Shanahan jersey, crack a beer, & watch the Wings....all by myself because Peter was working. That is pathetic....I do not pretend that I am at social functions with imaginary people.

I also did not have the chance to say the following....
  • "Yes Sofia....Stella is your sister & you do in fact have the concept correct.....however, your stinkys & Stella's stinkys will never be cousins....because they are not human."
  • "No Stella, I can not read you a book while I am trying to use the bathroom....get out of here & go find Sofia!"
  • "Yes Sofia.....I am aware that I shouldn't eat ice cream because it makes me belly hurt, but sometimes that is a sacrifice Mommy just needs to make."
  • "Stella! What are you doing!?! Get your hand out of my shirt....there is no longer anything there for you."
  • "Thank you Fia for noticing....there are actually great advantages to having small boo-boo's such as playing sports & not spilling food or toothpaste on them."
  • "No Fia, I did not just kill Charlotte....she lives in the country on a farm by Wilbur....that was an unrelated ugly spider named Thor....he didn't have any friends because he was mean....and ugly."
  • ".....and when baby Jesus was born, he washed us clean like the snow.....yes, Fia, you're right....not yellow snow, only the white snow....."
  • "Fia! Stop twisting your sister's boo boo's!....I don't care if she thinks it's funny....get your PJ's on...now!"
  • "No Sofia, I have no idea why boys need to stand up while they go potty.....you should ask daddy when he gets home from work because he is a boy & maybe he knows."
  • "Yes Fia, I'm so excited that Lindsay has a baby in her belly too!.......ummm, Jesus put it there.....What do you want bring in your Sharing Bag for school next week?"

4 comments:

Momof4 said...

I want to live in your house this week and hear things like that. What a hoot!! And don't call yourself lame for cheering on the Wings by yourself. Just send me a tweet next time and we'll call it our own social function. Cheers!

michelle said...

I think mothers could write a book about the things they never thought they would hear themselves say. I sometimes imagine a normal "non mother" person listening in on some of our conversations here. They must think we are crazy!

baorao said...

Yeah, pretty much ;p

LJFredricks said...

Fuh-reakin halarious.(yes I know I spelled that wrong)
Loved it all:)

 

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