I did not conclude that being a "dedicated" runner would mean lacing up & running Sunday night.....and then conclude that it was definitely more honorable to be "dedicated" to my large bowl of puppy chow, couch, & tv.
I did not sift through the remaining puppy chow powdered sugar looking for lost crumbs as if panning for gold....actively ignore my husband's "Seriously Rach? Pathetic" look on his face....because my face was not covered powdered sugar as if I did not posses hands or utensils for food consumption.
I did not tell Sofia to please tie both my shoes because I was too lazy to bend down & do it myself. Clearly I was just giving her more practice time to master the "rabbit through the hole" method of lace tying.
I did not start watching Biggest Loser happily munching on potato chips because it made me feel better about myself.....and then stop watching it because it made me feel lazy & pathetic.
While on my jog....I did not allow child #1 who was covered in super healthy strawberry pop tart goo.....vigorously clap & wave at random cars....while child #2 attempted belt out German lyrics to 99 Red Balloons.....ultimately sounding like an incoherent babbling animal. Nope, not me....my children are always a perfect picture of quiet & controlled cleanliness.
Furthermore, I did not ignore the blank stares of people trying to decide if our chaotic jogging parade was on purpose & therefore deserved a friendly smile....or if they should look away because they should feel embarrassed to be gawking at our freak show.
I did not have a 10 minute long discussion with Sofia....carefully detailing all the reasons why Mulan is easily the most beautiful & coolest Disney Princess....I mean seriously....is there any contest? (If you say Snow White....who shamelessly cooks & cleans for 7 dwarfs while they have late boozing parties & whose only interesting quality is her tanning inability....then our friendship will be on hold till further notice....Snow White = lame)
I did not convince myself that carrot cake is an excellent way to get my serving of vegetables & therefore I should have 2 pieces.....because that would be healthy.
I also did not have the chance to say the following.....
- "Stella! What is your obsession with your narps?!? Stop twisting them or I'll put your shirt right back on!"
- "This is called an iron Sofia....it helps get wrinkles out of daddy's shirts....no, it's not new, I've had it a very long time...."
- "I don't care if your finger works way better....please go get a tissue to get that bogey out"
- "Stella! Get your hands out of the toilet!! YUCK!"
- "Stella! Stop trying to grab Sofia's eyelashes! Sofia! Stop being a wuss!"