Monday, June 1, 2009

Not Me Monday

It's Monday again & so I am back with my Not-Me-Monday list. I had last week off because of Memorial Day.....so this week's list might be a bit longer. Without further ado....I give you all the things I did not do or say the past week....

I did not walk into Gazelle Sports with zero intention to buy, have someone fit in 5 different shoes, ask tons of questions, & then conveniently "forget my wallet in my jogger at home"....and then take my new running shoe knowledge to Nordstrom Rack, TJMaxx, & Kohls. Nope, not me. That would be premeditated dishonesty.

I did not map out a specific run, select a time to go....and then 1 enchilada loaded with sour cream & avocado dip, 1 Oberon, 1 Miller Lite, & about 1/2 bag of tortilla chips with later decide.....well, maybe I would be better off spending "quality time" with my family....on the couch....asleep. I do not stuff myself & send my body into food coma. (mmmm.....Oberon)

I did not shove a large cookie dough ball from the freezer directly into my mouth & reason that such food consumption was better because I was conserving all the gas from heating the oven.

I did not take off my belt & use it as an extra reinforcement strap for my shopping cart. I did not need to spend 5 minutes forcing my standing daughter into a sitting position beforehand. My children (especially Stella) are always cooperative & besides.....that's borderline child abuse.

I did spend an evening researching Craigslist & then plan my jogging route based on garage sale locations....because I do not believe running 2 blocks between sales is just as good.

I did not buy a 6-pack of Arcadia Ales & hide them in the fridge so I could hoard them all to myself on random evenings.....when Peter was working. I did not tell him we definitely did not have any beer in the house....so he would have to drink water. No way, that is selfish & dishonest.

I did not resent Peter for an entire morning for something he said IN MY DREAM. No way, I am completely sane & can easily distinguish reality from my dreams.

I did not forget that I was wearing bright pink bunny ears on my walk to the store....and remember only because a little girl's remarked "nice ears lady". Nope, not me.....I was definitely not that crazy lady on the block.

I did not drop off a friend's wedding present over a month early just so I wouldn't have to store it & look at it every time I opened the closet. That would be really tacky & poor wedding etiquette.

Furthermore, I did not use a scrap of polka dot wrapping paper to cover the unwrapped space on the wedding gift....when the rest of the gift was wrapped in striped paper. Not me, I always take pride in my gift wrapping....especially wedding presents.

I also did not have the chance to say the following......
  • "Sofia! What are you doing?!? Get your hands out of your pants! I don't care if your bum itches....at least wait till I am done paying for our groceries & then you can itch away in the car....nobody wants to see that."
  • "No Fia, I did not just take a shower....my hair is just really that greasy...."
  • "Uhhh....I don't think so lady! Nope, come back & please pick up your dog's business from my lawn....right.....of course you didn't notice....my daughter is getting a bag for you....."
  • "What?!? They are not!....okay, you're right....I do have yucky hairy legs....but come on Fia, they are not hairy as daddy's....okay, maybe...."
  • "Well Fia.....it means that you are smart when your 2nd toe is longer than your 1st toe....yes, mommy is probably the smartest person you'll ever meet"
  • Yes, Sofia....boys have tinkle bums that stick out....yeah, I know....it's kinda weird...."

2 comments:

Momof4 said...

One of your best yet. Although as far as dogs pooping on your lawn, you have the right to say whatever you want to people who don't clean up after their pets. DISGUSTING. I once called the township to make sure there was an ordinance about that because someone did that to my front yard and still walked away without cleaning up even after I gently *ahem* brought it to her attention.

Sandy Hop said...

Awesome post Rach, you always have bme cracking up with these. Tinkle bums? good name- dude...

 

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