Monday, August 31, 2009

Not Me Monday

No intros this week....just my Not Me list.....
  • I did not get so carried away with my horse impression that I drooled all over the ground in Lowes....because I was not already galloping around with Stella on my shoulders making amazing whinny sounds. Not me, I am an adult & always conduct myself in a mature manner.
  • I did not settle into my comfy backyard chair, sip my beer, & lazily throw sticks for Stella to retrieve & put back into pile next to me. No way, I do not treat Stella like a dog.
  • I did not forget Stella was on my back in a carrier when I was mowing the lawn & proceed to rake her through a tree branch. No way, I am always very careful.....besides, my resume for endangering children is already top notch.
  • I did not try to avoid possible scolding from my eye doctor father-in-law about Stella's eyes not being protected during said tree raking by slapping some junior ski goggles over her eyes & rewarding her with the privilege of wearing her bike helmet.....only a crazy lady would mow her lawn with a goggled & helmeted child strapped to her back.
  • I did not stuff an entire banana in my mouth because Sofia wondered if it was possible. I do not give in to the absurd requests of a 4 year old.
  • After rushing to Sofia's room during her nightmare, I did not first make her brush her teeth before I consoled her....that is cruel & a good mommy would never notice poop breath.
  • I did not play hide & go seek with Sofia and forget to go seek her because I started checking my email. This game did not end with tears & a massive side plate of GUILT.
  • I did not have a very satisfactory morning bathroom break & then reweigh myself to see if I lost any lbs. I did not clap like a delighted 2 year old to see that the scale read 1.5 pounds lighter....which really has nothing to do with my actual body & more to do with the fact that I was holding on to 1.5 pounds worth of toilet waste....and that is GA-ROSS!!
  • After passing my threshold during a day filled with an irregular amount of senseless whining....I did reason that I would be a much better mommy if I sought immediate help from two friends Miller Lite & Cookie Dough....whose short term relaxation techniques did wonders.


Laanykidsmom said...

Will you be my mom? Or better yet, can we hang out and do our mothering togther? I like your style.

Jessica Chamness said...

Your blog always makes me laugh! Thanks for always putting me in a good mood! I hope you all are doing well!

sampstar said...

For some reason after i'm done reading your blog, i find myself Googling "Grand Rapids Child Services"

i kid. Very entertaining.


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