Not Me Monday

Despite it being Labor Day & my usual thou-shalt-not-labor mentality....I bring you another Not Me list.....

• I did not roll up Stella's wet diaper & throw it down the stairs....where it did not hit Sofia in the shoulder causing her to fall to the ground. I did not tell her to to develop better reflexes instead of coddling her. That is just mean....on several levels.

• I did not forgo a plate & decide that using a massive wooden spoon to shovel fried rice directly from a gi-normous wok was appropriate & classy dinner etiquette. I always set a example for my children....especially the ones pertaining to portion control & not pretending you are a wild animal.

• I did not chase Stella around the house with her pajamas & wrestle her to the down & dress her like a hog tie competition. I also did not don my cowboys boots & hat for such an occasion....and have Sofia cheer me on & time me.

• I did not casually walk through Meijer & actively ignore the Lady-Control-Your-Child stares....because Stella was not lodged under my arm like a giant wiggly watermelon and definitely not flailing her arms & legs like a worm about to be skewered. No way, my children never misbehave....especially in public.

• I have mastered the ambiguous answers such as "yep....uh huh.....oh really.....wow, I know...." to stop my daughter repeating mindless questions to me....and then get upset because I didn't realize she asked permission to have another cookie. I always pay close attention to all the questions she asks me.

• I did not lecture Sofia that picking her cuticles was a gross habit & to stop....just after I had rolled down my window to spit out the last fingernail that I finished biting off.

• I did run an entire day of errands with "Buy One, Get One Free!!" stickers that Stella took off some random item & decided to adhere them to my two front endowments....and later wonder why people were snickering at me all day....thanks Stella.

• I did not pick out Stella's toe lint & discretely sprinkle it on the ground in the Marshall Fields.  Not me, I don't groom my children like a wild animal....and besides, my children don't have excessive toe cheese....that's gross.