Monday, September 7, 2009

Not Me Monday

Despite it being Labor Day & my usual thou-shalt-not-labor mentality....I bring you another Not Me list.....
  • I did not roll up Stella's wet diaper & throw it down the stairs....where it did not hit Sofia in the shoulder causing her to fall to the ground. I did not tell her to to develop better reflexes instead of coddling her. That is just mean....on several levels.
  • I did not forgo a plate & decide that using a massive wooden spoon to shovel fried rice directly from a gi-normous wok was appropriate & classy dinner etiquette. I always set a example for my children....especially the ones pertaining to portion control & not pretending you are a wild animal.
  • I did not chase Stella around the house with her pajamas & wrestle her to the down & dress her like a hog tie competition. I also did not don my cowboys boots & hat for such an occasion....and have Sofia cheer me on & time me.
  • I did not casually walk through Meijer & actively ignore the Lady-Control-Your-Child stares....because Stella was not lodged under my arm like a giant wiggly watermelon and definitely not flailing her arms & legs like a worm about to be skewered. No way, my children never misbehave....especially in public.
  • I have mastered the ambiguous answers such as "yep....uh huh.....oh, I know...." to stop my daughter repeating mindless questions to me....and then get upset because I didn't realize she asked permission to have another cookie. I always pay close attention to all the questions she asks me.
  • I did not lecture Sofia that picking her cuticles was a gross habit & to stop....just after I had rolled down my window to spit out the last fingernail that I finished biting off.
  • I did run an entire day of errands with "Buy One, Get One Free!!" stickers that Stella took off some random item & decided to adhere them to my two front endowments....and later wonder why people were snickering at me all day....thanks Stella.
  • I did not pick out Stella's toe lint & discretely sprinkle it on the ground in the Marshall Fields.  Not me, I don't groom my children like a wild animal....and besides, my children don't have excessive toe cheese....that's gross.


Sandy Hop said...

seriously love these posts. Can you do one everyday? I love starting my day with them. And, yes, I am just starting my day at 11:11 am. It's labor day, and I am determined not to labor. Apparently, for me, that includes basic grooming, hygiene, and feeding my kids.

Ethan, Zach, and Emma's Mom said...

BOGO. Love it. Good thing you didn't get any offers!


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