Not Me Monday

I've slowed down a bit on my Not Me's....mostly because I am lazy....and 28 weeks worth of Not Me lists is a bit embarrassing. I'm sure the lists will be more frequent once we go from man-to-man parenting to zone.

• I did not pack a church snack for my daughter and allow her approximately 4 goldfish while I consumed the entire baggie full. Clearly, I was being helpful by not allowing her to spoil her lunch appetite.....mmmm...goldfish.

• I did not crack our snow shovel because I decided that it was the best tool to use to pick away at the last ice mound on our front lawn.....and then forget to tell my husband & hang it back in the garage....where he will first hear about it here....oops, sorry Peter.

• I did not go to a nice awards dinner & decide that the chocolate dessert cake on my table was placed there to be eaten first....before salads & the prayer.....as only a truly terrible person would tortuously place chocolate cake in front of a preggo lady & expect her to patiently stare at it until dinner was done.....fools.

• It did not wait till Stella barfed all over her car seat to finally decide that it was time to clean out the van...& wash her gross car seat. I did not have enough random cereal scattered about the floors & seats of my van to feed a small family.....my van is always immaculate & crumb free.

• I was not secretly disappointed that we did not win the lottery after my husband said he bought a Power Ball ticket because it was up to 200 million.....I do not get my hopes up for completely unrealistic dreams.

• I did not feed my kids Ramen Noodles & Bugles for dinner & order ourselves delicious take out. I do not frequently feed my kids low quality food while I treat myself to delicious food.

• I do not happily munch on Reeces Pieces in front of my husband because he decided to give up sweets for Lent. That would be mean.

• I did not waste my time playing an iPhone game until I beat my husband's high score & then lose interest....until he beat my score....and then obsessively play until I beat his score again.....and then lose interest again. That is overly competitive.

• I did not send my husband irritating repeat text messages asking for him to bring me a glass of ice water. I have a great nagging wife voice that works perfectly, I do not need the assistance of annoying text message dings to aggravate my husband.