Monday, February 28, 2011

Not Me Monday

  • I do not consider last week's Not Me Monday a total success because I managed to gross out my husband. No way, I do not aspire to make him feel awkward and uncomfortable.
  • I did not discover a lost tub of jelly beans and Skittles from last Easter and devour them in the next 24 hours. Nope, that's gross to eat super expired candy. And besides....I was obviously doing a good deed by not wasting food.
  • Since the disappearance of my throat ulcers I do not treat every meal and snack like a Thanksgiving feast. No way, I don't participate in apocalyptic eating....that's gluttonous.
  • I did not accidentally drop a large handful of chocolate chips into the peanut butter jar and decide the only way to amend the situation was to dump more chocolate chips in the jar, stir them around, and label the jar as "tainted" and hide it from the rest of the family.
  • I did not discover Mark's ticklish spots by squeezing his mini man boobs together to see how big of a cleavage line I can make. No way, that is demeaning and borderline child abuse.
  • I did not watch Finding Nemo with my girls and then ceremoniously flush our 4 live fish down the toilet one by one....wishing them all a happier and better life in the big lake.
  • I am not completely annoyed that Mark started crawling. No way, such milestones are celebrated and I was sure to document the date and time in his non-existent baby book.
  • It did not take Peter telling me Mark smelled like rotten milk to realize that it had been over a week since I last bathed him....barf.
  • I did not let Mark suck on a chocolate chip cookie. No way, he is only 7 months old and only eats healthy baby food veggies and fruit....only a bad mommy would introduce her toothless baby to the glorious bliss that is chocolate chip cookies.
  • I did not just blankly stare at the disgusting blackish greenish brownish yellowish sludge growing inside our toilet.....nearly barf....and then decide the best thing for me to do about it was go downstairs and click away on my computer. No way, I would never turn a blind eye to my desperate house begging for a cleaning. Besides, I always keep my bathroom spotless for health and sanitation reasons.
  • I did not force Stella to use apple slices to dip into her peanut butter while I used Godiva chocolate squares. No way, I always demonstrate good eating habits by setting a good example.


Sandy said...

Oh RAch....always love these. So good for a laugh. :)

Jessica Chamness said...

I laughed out loud at the "mini man boobs" comment! Hilarious!!

Launa said...

Once again... you crack me up!!! funny stuff!

Laanykidsmom said...

I think you are very wise to not waste Godiva chocolate squares on a young child who obviously could not appreciate the true value of such a blessing.


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