Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Enough Is Enough

Crohn's Disease it is. Doctors have been going back and forth between Ulcerative Colitis and Crohns Disease. The decision has been made....unless they change it. Whatever.

On a different note, I have made a final decision to begin the process of de-milking my feeders so I can start a new medication to address the ulcers that have been in my throat & GI tract since OCTOBER. I had about 3 days of non-ulcer glory after a 6 day steroid pack. But they came back almost immediately. I don't remember life without severe pain in my throat and mouth.

I am sad. Mark still nurses at 5:30 in the morning and I love it. He is my last baby and this will officially mark the end of a mother/baby connection that only I share with him.

AND formula is expensive. AND now I'll have to start exercising or something because milk making calorie burnage is so easy...and I am so lazy.

Back to point, large ulcers grow in my colon, deep in my throat (out of sight) and also in my gums, on top of my tongue, under my tongue, and every other place in my mouth that you can think of. They are awful and painful to say the least. At this moment I have 7 that that I can see and 2 that I can feel 1/2 way down my neck....awesome.

Right now, I am exhausted. Exhausted from 3 kids, no sleep, no food, and non-stop pain. I have found that a few beers help take away the edge, but I don't think this is the best remedy....besides, it's expensive. The other remedy is vicodin. Vicodin works great that I look forward to the next pill....which is very scary to me. Last thing my family needs is a pain medication addict. I'd rather be in pain than take lots of vicodin.

Okay, this picture below is gross. Peter advised me to NOT post it, but I did anyways. Here is an example of what I am talking about. This location is especially painful because the pain radiates through my ears....and feels like I have a large dagger being twisted in my ear drum. Awesome.

My hope is that if my ulcers clear....then maybe (just maybe) it will also help my liver/bile duct issues....which cause perpetual deep pain in my ribs and upper abdomen. It probably won't, but at least I'll be able to eat without wincing. Yay food!


Launa said...

I actually don't think that last picture is too bad... except for that extremely painful looking ulcer in the back!!
So sorry you're sad about "de-milking." Mark is so adorably cute that I understand why you're bummed!!

You and Me said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Laanykidsmom said...

Oh Rach, I am sorry you have to deal with all this. I remember being so sad when my last one weaned because there is something so special and bonding about nursing. But in reading your post, it does sound like this is the best decision for you, and in turn, for your whole family, because they are affected by you being in constant pain. I sure hope the new meds work and you can have peace with this whole situation!
(Sorry about the above deleted comment - that was me, messing up!)

Shantanu Mishra said...

I hope that all is Well

Launa said...

Hey Rachel!! Haven't "heard" from you in a while and hoping everything is going good. Praying the new medications are working and you're feeling better!!!


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