Saturday, August 6, 2011

Not Me Monday

  • I did not tell Stella that she may have string cheese only if she ate it in strings instead of chomping off large pieces like a beef stick. Not me, I do not force my OCD eating preferences on to my children
  • I did not strap a naked baby to my back and mow the lawn & reaffirm my place as crazy lady on the block.
  • I did not rake my son's face into a giant bush on the side of our house and decide that such rakings would be avoided by not mowing the entire side of the house. No way, I am always thorough with my work and never jump at pathetic opportunities to be lazy.
  • I did not decide the best time for me to meet my new neighbors would be when I was literally dripping with sweat and had a naked baby strapped to my back. Obviously, I was being super smart by lowering their expectations.
  • I do not tell my children to "leave me alone because mommy is paying bills" and get called out on my lie when Sofia asked me why I have only facebook and pinterest tabs open.
  • I did not give my daughters a long lecture about how buying a book at the bookstore is silly because libraries loan books for free....and then lose two library books and have to pay $26 to replace them....grrrr.
  • I do not prefer to dress Mark in onesies because t-shirts and shorts make him look like a little boy and less like a baby. No way. I would never do any such action to keep my son trapped in babyhood....forever and ever and ever and ever.
  • I did not get called back and lectured by my eldest daughter because I forgot to light a second and third courtesy match in the bathroom. I do not bomb out the bathroom to the point of needing more than one stench eliminator match.
  • I did not tell Stella that I would love to read to her and then send her back 3 times for a new books because the books she chose had way too many words per page. Nope, not me. Only an super lazy mom would do such a thing.
  • I have not been calling my son "Cletus" so often that he now answers to this new name. No way, I would never participate in blatant name calling.


Allison Feyen said... of your funniest! Cletus...hahaha.

Launa said...

Haha, your sweet boy responds to Cletus!! So funny! Great NMM!!!

Jessica Chamness said...

You are awesome!!

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with you on the "no big bites off of the string cheese stick". It is so disgusting that way!

greenjello! said...

Pretty sure it's safe to say I adore you. Yep, adore.


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