Monday, August 15, 2011

Not Me Monday


  • I did not dance around in line at the bank to help myself dig out a massive wedgie from my hungry rear end. No way, that's inappropriate....and besides, I wear underwear that fits.
  • I did not turn around and make eye contact with the personal banker who was awkwardly watching my undergarment mining side show and blurt out "yep, it was in there pretty deep? Hope your day gets more exciting than that." Nope, I do not take extreme pleasure in stranger's discomfort or glorify embarrassing moments.
  • I did not arrive home from a weekend away to realize that I left my door unlocked.....with the key stuck in the lock! Nope, only a bimbo would be so careless.
  • I did not take so long to hem my mother-in-laws shorts that when she finally got them back....they no longer fit her. Ummm.....eewps.
  • I did not decide that the best way to rid the terrible squealing coming from my back tire was to turn up the radio volume. Nope, I do not ignore auto noises because they can lead to serious problems.
  • I did not keep Mark in the same outfit for two days....and two nights because I was too lazy to change him. He was not covered in snot, boogers, dirt, sand, unknown purple stains, tomato sauce, & chocolate, when I finally bathed him.
  • I did not allow my son to walk around my house completely nude so he could air out his boy parts....and then watch as my girls pointed, giggled, screamed, and ran away from his yucky boy parts. Nope, I do not use my son as entertainment.
  • I did not cover his nakedness with a small kitchen towel & rest him on my hip to answer the front door. No way, I would at least put him in a diaper before I opened the door to a complete stranger.
  • He did not giggle with delight and slap my face while he peed all over my hip.
  • I did not hastily push front door girl off our front stoop so I could hold my son at arms length and allow him to finish his male lizard drainage on our bushes.
  • I did not ask the speechless & completely grossed out gas lady if she'd like to trade jobs.
  • I did not open all the windows in our van do drown out Sofia's never ending and irritating questions about mundane things. "Can't hear you Fia! Ask me when we get home!" Nope, I do not squelch innocent and inquisitive young minds.



5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure how I stumbled across your blog tonight (I think via a link from Pinterest) but I just have to tell you that I just laughed til I cried as I read this post. Ahhh, it's nice to hear I'm not the only one that doesn't ever do those things ;)

Kate said...

Hilarious. This whole post could be a cartoon strip :)I found your blog from searching 'asians taking pictures' isnt that weird? lol. sorry if this is creepy, I know, I'm a stranger! :)

jillfuller13 said...

Found your blog through a Pinterest French toast pin. I seriously have been cracking up at your "Not Me Monday" posts. I feel like we should be friends! That was a creepy thing to say and I'm debating on whether or not to erase it or not....ah, to heck with it.

Crystal Gulledge said...

This was hilarious! Glad I came across your blog... thing it was from Pintrist too.

shakenbsis said...

o...m...g...!

That was definitely 'not me' who laughed so hard she dribbled a little.......!!

nope, not me ;-)

 

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